编者按： “双语视窗”栏目从2006年开办，至今已经走过了2年的历程，这些由在华外国友人撰写的小文章，以他们在华所见所闻为切入点，生动具体地反映出东西方观念、习俗的异同，也向我们提出了一个个既有趣又值得深思的问题。栏目一再连载得益于读者反馈中的正面回应。
“不识庐山真面目，只缘身在此山中”，换一个角度，从外国友人目光的折射中审视一下自己，更有助于我们全面地了解自身。同时，本栏目采用英汉对照形式，这些原汁原味的英文不仅有助于加深对作者原意的理解，也是一本学习现代英语的鲜活教材。
有件事我想说出来：在我来中国后不久，便与我所结交的第一个中国朋友绝交了。为什么呢？因为每次我给他打电话，他拿起听筒就说：“有什么事儿吗？”这句话让我不高兴：这话让我觉得自己不受欢迎，像个不速之客。问这句话让我觉得他似乎不想与我交谈――换句话说，似乎我们该有事快说，谈话尽可能要短，那才谢天谢地。我尽量少给他打电话，但每次他还是用同样的问话“有什么事儿吗？”来回应我。终于，我认定他不再对我感兴趣，便结束了这段“友谊”。
后来，我注意到，在汽车里，大街上，商场里，中国人的手机一响，他们说的也是这句话。渐渐地我明白了，问这句话是中国人的一个习惯。但我还是觉得这话粗率。你可能会说，现如今人们承受着很大的时间压力，哪有工夫在电话上闲扯呢？在接电话的一开始就问“有什么事儿吗”是办事干脆利索的正常方式。事情也许是这样，但我想不会谁都认定这句话中带有丝毫友好的味道。在贝宁，当接到朋友的电话时，习惯上总是去问一些诸如“最近怎么样啊”、“过得还好吗”这类表明你对对方感兴趣的问候短语。如果我们打电话找的人正忙不开身，他会说：“对不起，现在太忙，我一有空就给你打过去。”
当然，如果你在深夜接到不认识的人打来的电话，问“有什么事儿吗”是完全可以理解的：这时有紧急事情的可能性是很大的，但是，如果在平时接到亲戚、朋友、熟人的电话，在我看来，就没有必要问这个问题，也许打电话的人就是想问候一下。
一天晚上，我们几个外国留学生，包括一个加拿大学生和一个意大利学生，在校园里和中国同学聊天。当我们提到“有什么事儿吗”这句话带给我们的感受时，一个中国同学想了想，插话道：“要知道，你说的是对的。我的女朋友拿起电话一听到我的声音也会问同样的问题，这真让人烦。”听了这话我们都会心地笑了。
去年夏天，我给一个上中学的中国学生当英文家教，渐渐地我们成为了朋友。在这个男孩子回到寄宿学校几周后，我给他妈妈打电话，想问问他的学习情况，我想知道他现在对英语课是否比原来有信心了。他妈妈听出了我的声音，叫出了我的名字，接着就问了这个怎么也躲不过的问题：“有什么事儿吗？”这一次我不奇怪了，我已经听惯了。我问孩子在学校的情况，他妈妈说他的确有了很大进步。但是那天晚上，当初介绍我去他家做家教的女士给我来了电话，问我找学生的父母有什么事，还说我若是不好意思直说她可以代我对他们说。这真让我惊诧！好像你给谁打电话就一定有求于谁！
请告诉我，如果你只是在需要帮助的时候才给人打电话，那人家还有什么理由把你当朋友呢？
就我而言，我认为，只有在有明确的理由需要问“有什么事儿吗？”的时候问这句话才会好些，我们贝宁人认为这句话用在谈话的开头，其寓意很清楚，就是“我不想与你保持友谊了”或者“别再给我打电话了”。我提请中国朋友在用这句话回外国朋友打来的电话时要小心――这句话很容易破坏你们之间的友谊。
中国有一首歌我很喜欢，歌中唱道：“有事没事常来个电话，我就是想知道你在哪儿。”这句歌词表达了我在这篇文章中想要说的一切，歌词中蕴含着友谊的真谛。
原文：
I have a confession to make: Not too long after I arrived China, I cut off all contact with the first Chinese friend I had made here. Why? Because every time I phoned him, he would ask “You shenme shir ma?” as soon as he picked up the receiver. These words always put me off; they made me feel unwelcome, like an intruder. Asking the question made it seem as if he really didn’t want to talk to me- as if, in other words, we should get down to business immediately so we could keep the call mercifully short. I tried calling him less often, but he still cameat me with the same question: “You shenme shir ma?” Finally, concluding that he really wasn’t interested in me, I ended the “friendship”.
Subsequently I noticed Chinese people using the same question in the bus, on the street, at the market, whenever they got a call on their cell phone. It gradually became clear to me that this phrase is a Chinese convention, but I still regard it as disturbingly curt. Nowadays, you may argue, people are under so much time pressure that they can’t afford to waste precious minutes chatting on the phone. Asking “You shenme shir ma?” at the beginning of aconversation over the phone is a normal way to keep things short. Maybe so, but I don’t think anyone can honestly maintain that there’s a trace of friend liness in the query. In Benin, when we get a call from a friend, we customarily start off by asking “How are you doing?” or “How’s it going?” or some such short indication of personal interest in the other person. And if the person we’re calling is occupied with something, he says, “Sorry, but I’m too busy to talk right now. I’ll call you back soon.”
Of course, it’s different if you receive a call from an unknown person very late at night. Then asking the equivalent of “You shenme shir ma?” is perfectly understandable; the likelihood of urgency is relatively high. But if you get a phone call from a relative, a friend or an acquaintance at a more normal hour, there is, to my mind anyway, no need to ask the question, as the caller may simply wish to to say hello.
One evening some of us foreign students, including a Canadian and an Italian, were shooting the breeze with some Chinese schoolmates on campus. When we mentioned our feelings about “You shnme shir ma?”, one Chinese guy thought for a minute and then chimed in: “You’re right, you know. My girlfriend asks me the same question as soon as she hears my voice on the line. It’s really annoying!” We all had a good laugh.
Last summer I served as English tutor to a Chinese secondary-school student, and we gradually became friends. A couple of weeks after the boy returned to his boarding school, I called his mother to ask how his studies were going. I wanted to find out if he was more confident in English class now. Recognizing my voice on the phone, the mother spoke my name and then asked the fatal question: “You shenme shir ma?” This time I was not surprised; I’d almost gotten into the habit of hearing it.I asked how the boy was doing in school, and his mother replied that he had indeed made a good deal of progress. But that evening I got a call from the lady who had originally recommended me to the familyas a tutor. She asked me what I wanted from my student’sparents, suggesting that she could tell them if I felt too shy to state my request directly. I was flabber gasted! It seems that if you call someone in this country you must be looking for help!
Now tell me, if you just call somebody when you needhelp, does that person have any grounds for considering you his friend?
For my part, I think it would be better to ask “You shenme shir ma?” only when there is a clear reason to do so. We Beninese feel that this question, if asked to open aconversation, comes with a clear subtext: “I don’t want your friendship” or “Don’t call me again.” I would advise you to take care in using this question torespond to a call from a foreign friend- the words can too easily undermine the friendship.
There is a Chinese song I like, the words of which translate as: “Call me whenever you feel like it, even if there’s nothing special. I just want to know where you are.” The lyrics express everything I’m trying to say in this article. They contain the authentic tone of friendship.省略）
责编：周瑾
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